Required Reading: Letter 9: On Philosophy And Friendship
“…the wise man is self-sufficient. Nevertheless, he desires friends, neighbors; associates…“
On a journey as such, one inherently knows that friends are important; yet, one can do without them. Not that one must be a recluse; but, that if a friend is lost by virtue of disaster, or ill-will, a wise man feels no lost that would get him or her off-kiltered. They will, with poise and inward courage, shoulder the impact; yet, live as if it is the will of Nature; and the gifts of Fortune has no value in the case of a wise man; as Seneca puts it “He endures the loss of a friend with equanamity.”
In his letter, there is a discussion of two schools of thought; first, that a wise man is self sufficient; meaning, he Needs no friends or second, that a wise man needs friends but not Want or have a desire for not being able to live without them. The difference is slight; for one puts the so-called wise man in an independent state; while the latter, an inter-dependent state of affairs. The former makes him one unto himself, while the latter, a co-exister; in need of companionship yet not unhappy because he or she does not have it. For a philosopher can easily make new friends while maintaining or letting go of others that have run their course.
There is a kind of friendship that the Thinker speaks about; that you must guard yourself against; it is the “friends” who become your friend for what you can do for them as well; they see friendship as a tool to use just because there is an expectation that whoeever they befriend, is supposed to be a “friend” to them. Hence, the y invest time, money, energy, with the preconceived mindset that the receiver of their “friendship” must in due time, recompense to them what they have done for you.
Well, that’s not friendship; for true friendship as Seneca discusses, is almost comparable to that of which one experiences from a lover; he or she loves for the sole benefit of love not for what they will get because they love; for whatever can be bought; can be easily replaced. Friendships purchased can also be traded; seek friendhip that are akin to your natural inclinations; “be a friend and you will have a friend.”
Hence, a philosopher is in need of friends not because he is alone but so that he can practice friendship. Like everything of value to him, he spends time and resources; cultivating it; so that the art of friendship may not be loss for lack of use. So, when and if a wise man finds himself in loss of a friend, he is indeed self-sufficient for he without agitation dwells within himself; his best friend of all; farewell.
Word of the day:
Equanimity (noun): mental composure; evenness of temper (The Oxford Amercan Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus 2nd Edition).
Quotations:
“If you would be loved, love.” -Hecato
“Now there is a great pleasure not only in maintaing old and established friendships, but also in beginning and acquiring new ones.”
“There is the same difference between winning a new friend and having already won him, as there is between the farmer who sows and the farmer who reaps.”
“It is more pleasant to make than to keep a friend, as it is more pleasant to the artist to paint than to have finished painting.” -Attalus
“When one is busy and absorbed in one’s work, the very absorption affords great delight; but when one has withdrawn one’s hand from the completed masterpiece, the pleasure is not so keen.”
“In the case of our children, their young manhood yields the more abundant fruits, but their infancy was sweeter.”
“…prosperous men are blockaded by troops of friends; but those who have failed stand amid vast loneliness their friends fleeing from the very crises which is to test their worth.”
“He who begins to be your friend because it pays will also cease becasue it pays.”
“…the wise man is in want of nothing, and yet needs many things. On the other hand, nothing is needed by the fool, for he does not understand how to use anything, but he is in want of everything.” – Chrysippus.
“The Supreme Good calls for no practical aids from outside; it is developed at home, and rises entirely within itself. If the good seeks any portion of itself from without, it begins to be subject to the play of Fortune.”
“Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth, is unhappy, though he be master of the whole world.” -Epicurus
“A man may rule the world and still be unhappy, if he does not feel that he is supremely happy.” -Epicurus
“It matters not what one says, but what one feels; also, not how one feels on one particular day, but how one feels at all times.”
Questions:
1) Do you have a preconceived thought of what someone can do for you before becoming their friend?
2) Do you do for people without expecting anything in return?
3) Have you ever felt betrayed by a “friend”? Did you do something to provoke this?
4) Have you ever been alone for a day, a week, a month, a year? How did it feel?
Activity:
1) Begin to do for people just because…
2) Be the Giver and expect to receive not from the same person or not from anyone or anything; put Nature in your debts.
3) Spend a whole day by yourself; just you and no one else (get a babysitter if you need to).
